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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Sampark December 2008: Realizing my Status

My name is Shashi Shekhar. I was born in Patna, Bihar. Since my childhood I was the most religious amongst all my brothers and sisters and would observe fasts on religious occasions and festivals. I never thought of anything more than my parents or my family.

I was two or three years old when I passed through a very grave ordeal, and narrowly escaped death. I did not have teeth but was biting on a broken glass bangle with all my might. Consequently I sustained cuts in my mouth and throat and started to bleed profusely. My parents had to rush me to Patna city for my treatment. We had to cross the river Ganga by a steamer boat to reach Patna, but due to the floods in Ganga, no steamer owner was willing to risk crossing the river. Since there was no other way of reaching Patna, my parents despaired of my surviving. By God’s grace with great persuasion, finally one person agreed to risk crossing the river in spate. We managed to cross the river with great difficulty.

My treatment period was a very agonizing time for my parents. They had to spend a large sum of money for it and they went through a lot of distress to save my life. I gradually recovered with treatment.

For my primary education upto class fifth, I stayed in a hostel and developed a peculiar attitude. I disliked others, would harbor wicked thoughts for them and never wanted to do any good. I was fully mired in sin within my heart. But on the outside I never did anything, which if my parents or brothers and sisters came to know, would feel bad about. I always wanted people to have a good impression about me. I was always very careful to maintain a good reputation and never wanted to be caught for the things that would tarnish my image of being an obedient child. In this manner, in my own opinion, I was a ‘good boy’ in the eyes of my parents and teachers.

I was enjoying sin in my own way. I was a very proud, selfish and mean boy, but maintained a very clean image in front of my parents. You can call me a hypocrite. Like a white washed grave that looks clean and decorated on the outside but hides a foul smelling and rotting body inside it, I was an obedient and civil child on the outside but my heart was full of evil thoughts.

Since childhood I was never interested in science. I never considered studies to be something important. Because everybody studied, therefore I also studied. I had patriotic feelings and wanted to become an officer in the armed forces to serve my country. I was never endowed with a brilliant brain; I had a very ordinary intellect, but somehow managed to score well in my studies. In the school that I studied in, before meals and before going to bed, we were made to recite prayers.

When I was 12 years old, I passed through another difficult period in my life; I was struck by ‘Encephalitis’ in 1994. This was an illness that had taken many lives in the city of Ranchi, where I studied. When I was admitted to the hospital, my mother became very apprehensive and lost hopes for my life, since like me, many would be admitted in the morning and by afternoon or night they would be dead. At one time even I was declared dead, but amazingly I came back to life. After a prolonged treatment, I could recover to some extent and after a month of hospitalization the doctors advised that I be taken home and treated by psychotherapy for further recovery. It took me three years after this to be able to resume my studies. After intensive preparation, I could finally complete my intermediate studies through the CBSE board in 1999.

After that, by God’s grace I cleared competitive exams for engineering studies and got selected in IIT Roorkee and came to study here. After joining this place, I was very perplexed by the behavior of the students here. For them swearing, using abusive language, smoking, drinking and committing lewd acts was the norm. My seniors and friends used to tell me that to be an engineer these are all very essential things. Since I never used abuses against anyone, did not use cuss words and had no vices, I saw nothing bad within myself and remained content with myself. I made serious efforts to avoid all these things and to have a good image amongst my friends, but within me, my heart had become very corrupt at that time.

In the final semester of my first year, I met a righteous person. He brought me to the Lord. Initially I was not willing to listen to anything that he said, but gradually I found out about him and started to listen to him. I started to keep company with God’s people. After a long time, having come to know that He is willing to forgive and accept a vile person like me and that He is the only one who can forgive my sins and give me a new heart, I personally accepted the Lord Jesus as my savior with a prayer of repentance.


I was earlier following those who took me to religion but had nothing to offer after that. After I believed in Jesus, I realized only He is the way to salvation and forgiveness of sins, through by faith in His blood shed on the Cross of Calvary. Now I can say with certainty that even when I did not know the Lord, He knew me and all that happened in my life happened for my good.

I think about some things today – if by virtue of my religious practices, I was righteous person, then why did evil thoughts dwell in me? Could those practices have ever made me righteous with God? I had to come to conclusion and make a choice between right and wrong. The Lord showed me the way and I consented with Him that I can trust Him with full confidence. In Him, I had reached the conclusion of my quest.

The Lord has done many works in my life and I am very grateful to Him for all He has done for me. I now desire that he will choose me for His work as His servant.

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