My name is Phillip Ratnam. I was born in a family that loved God. In the family, our father, mother, four brothers and a sister always gathered together for family prayers. Father was constantly involved in serving the Lord and was often called to pray for the sick and demon possessed. So far as serving the heavenly master was concerned, he never missed an opportunity, day or night. He came from a poor family, therefore was accustomed to travelling long distances by a cycle or in a bus.
I was the youngest in my family. Just 7 days before my 13th birthday, my father left for his heavenly abode, though he is still alive for us even today. Though I was brought up in such a devout family, my heart started to go back into the world. The Word of God held a great appeal for me till I was about 12 years of age, but after my father passed away, except for my sister, the rest of my family stopped going to God’s House for worship.
Having been brought up in a good believer’s family, I was under constant protection, as if by a shield around me. My world was my home, school and friends. Though I played with the children in my neighborhood, I could not bring myself to behave like them. I could not abuse like them, could not brawl like them, could not cheat like them nor be like them. I knew all the cuss words but could not open my mouth to articulate them. I knew all the wicked things but could not do them. I all the time felt a power holding me back from wickedness.
One day I decided for myself that I no longer need God in my life, I can well take care of myself. Since I considered myself to be more intelligent than others, I thought myself to be capable of facing all situations and circumstances also. From that day I stopped reading the Bible and saying my prayers, and gradually my affection for God started to fade away from my life, and after a time died within me. Now I too had become like any other person who did not depend upon God. I now felt free to do as I desired. Only my elder sister continued faithfully with the Lord all these years. She alone would go for Sunday worship, pray and read God’s Word. She is the same even today and is married to a good believer.
To meet the family needs, I and my elder brother started to work at a young age. I was only 18 years old then. Now as I look back and think upon those things, I am surprised that though I had no educational qualification or training at that time, yet wherever I went and in all that I did, success went ahead of me. I used to think that my life is okay, but now I realize that my life had deviated away from the way of truth into a way of foolishness. I had developed a craving for acquiring more and more, and seeking satisfaction in the world. Because of these things, unknowingly a belief had taken root within me that as long as I hurt no one and broke no laws or atleast didn’t get caught for breaking any law, everything is okay. There is only one life so enjoy it as long as you can. Till those who are with you remain in agreement with you, all is fine. Life went on, my habits deteriorated, but for me that was enjoyment. My family had no idea about all this. For my mother, my family and people around me I was a very nice and cultured person. I developed a double personality, one to please others and the other to please myself. As time passed I became an expert at switching personalities to suit the occasion.
There came a time when I got involved with a small gang that was carrying out its nefarious activity in the small neighborhoods, localities and college. There developed enmity with another gang and we started to keep knives and switchblades with us. Some of my friends, to throw their weight around, would at times also use those switchblades. Our gang got caught in a case of knifing someone, I was fortunate that on that evening I was not with them. Three of my close friends were caught for ‘attempt to murder’ and sent to Tihar Jail, though they were the sons of highly placed governmental officers. Fortunately, their victim did not die and so my friends could come out on bail; but the case registered against them carried on for 20 years. Gradually my conscience was dying and desire for heinous sins was increasing within me. My friendship increased with those who were involved in all kind of wicked things. There was nobody to keep me in control. I would return home late, leave early morning and at times not return home at all on Sundays.
My elder sister, who continued to love the Lord, would come from Switzerland to stay with us in her vacations and stay for some months. When she came, because of her pious life, a peculiar fear would engulf me and my evil deeds would come to halt. During her stay we would have family prayer morning and evening in our house. She would scold us for not persevering in honoring the Lord. For me Sunday was a day of making merry, going to movies and roaming with friends. But I saw that for my sister, who would usually be with us in the winter months, even if it was a foggy morning, she would still go to God’s house for worship, even alone, in a bus. To keep her happy I would accompany her.
Once, on a Sunday in December 1992, I was in the house of God, and like I always did, was sitting outside the main hall in the courtyard where mothers with small children sat. A speaker had been placed in the courtyard for them so that they too could listen to the messages and preaching going on inside. That day too, the preacher was preaching and as I always did, I was not paying any attention to the sermon. Suddenly, very clearly, the preacher said a sentence in his message “you have sinned”. This hit my heart and I immediately said to myself “so what”? This was not because I was not a sinner but because I did not consider sin to be sin. I suppressed that voice at that time but the sentence “you are a sinner” continued to ring in my ears.
One day I was passing through a market and was attracted by a book having a very beautiful cover in the shop’s window. That was a Christian bookstore and that book was titled “Through the Bible in 365 days”. I was attracted not by the contents but by the cover of the book. I went into the shop and bought it. After returning home I wanted to read it but this seemed an irony since now I felt ashamed to read the Bible. My conscience was pricking me that a person like me wanted to read the Bible? But I took courage, hid and took the Bible to the rooftop, locked the door and started to read. As I read, a strange tranquility descended upon me and it seemed as if every word was speaking to me. Whenever I would read it, a wonderful peace would engulf me. Though I did not understand all that I read, but within my heart I had a firm belief that every single word written in it, from Genesis to Revelation, was absolutely true. I started to like it very much and was always curious to know what would happen next. The Spirit of God was speaking to me continuously. Initially I did not realize that God talks in this manner too. I used to think that it is my heart that first causes me to sin then urges me to read the Bible. Whenever I would read the Bible, I felt as if somebody was explaining it to me in very pleasant words. My love for the Bible continued to increase and I started to spend more time at home and distance myself from my friends.
God’s Spirit had started to work in me since May 1993. He continued to change me, renew me and bring me into the realization of the Truth. I had read the Bible from Genesis to Acts of the Apostles till this time. My heart had also very clearly come to know and accept who is the creator and the possessor of this creation, who is Jesus, why man sinned, who is Satan, what is God’s will and who has been sustaining this creation to date.
Now I was free from the fear of Satan and the powers of darkness and had developed a reverence and awe for the God of the Bible. Now my question was not who can prove me to be a sinner? Since in the presence of such a magnificent creator I lay completely exposed. Rather, my question was why does this wonderful God who could bring into existence the sun, moon and stars by just saying so, have such a deep interest in me – a foolish and good for nothing sinner? A person like me would be the object of ridicule and shame even in heaven. Though I did not get an immediate answer to my question, but through out the time that I spent to know about this omnipotent God, I never found myself to be scared of Him; instead I was attracted to Him all the more and the revelations He gave me dispelled all my doubts.
One day my eyes fell upon Romans 5:8 and that was when I understood why God cares for this man made from a handful of dust. It is written in Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I could not read any further, I was heart-broken. I became very emotional and felt greatly burdened in my heart that the omnipotent God loved me so much that He stooped down, sacrificed Himself as a sin offering and died for me. I felt the love of God and started to weep with tears. I felt as if the Lord is asking me “If you were to leave the world today, where would you be?” My answer was “Hell”. I again heard His voice “Where do you want to go?” I said “Lord nobody wants to go to hell; everybody wants to go to heaven.” He again asked “Where do you want to go?” I said “Heaven”. I then heard Him say “Believe in my son Jesus who gave His life on the cross for you and be cleansed by His blood.” Immediately I gave my heart to the Lord and prayed a small prayer that may have taken me around 30 seconds to pray. You may possibly consider the prayer that I prayed to be silly. I said to the Lord “O Lord I want to go to heaven but my sins are numerous and I don’t know if you will forgive all my sins. If you can, then I want to forget my past and start a new life. I want to start a new life, but can I be delivered from 26 years of sin and wickedness and made new? Nevertheless I completely surrender my life to you and believe that Lord Jesus shed His blood and gave His life for me on the cross. Though He was sinless, He became a ‘sin offering’ for me and to make me righteous He rose again from the dead. So if possible, have mercy on me and accept this prayer of an unworthy person.”
As soon as I completed this prayer, I felt so light hearted that I cannot describe it. A very old and heavy weight was removed from me. As soon as I opened my eyes I felt that I was a new man. A wonderful joy bubbled from within me; my heart was full of happiness. I immediately went to the next room and told my mother and my sister “I am Born Again.” Whenever I met other people, I would say the same thing to them I was not concerned whether they understood it or not. I started to tell everybody that my sins are forgiven. Seeing my wonderful joy other believers were also impressed.
Since I was born again I had joy unspeakable flowing from within and I would be very pleasant and happy at all times. I started to enjoy reading the Bible and hear God's voice as if a friend is talking sitting next to me, I could start believing every word that I read and had absolutely no doubt however impossible things I read, God started to do wonderful works in my life. One of my first fears was my old friends and how to face them. I was thinking God what should I tell these people, they will never believe that a person who fights so much, who abuses so profusely, who is so violent can suddenly become so sober and talk about God. A ‘christian’ who never went to church all his sensible life suddenly talks about Bible, Church and now I started going for Bible studies all 7 days day of the week to a Bible teacher whom God so graciously provided, Bro. John Kumar. But something very strange started to happen. Everyday my friends used to come in their motor cycles and scooters and start honking under my house and then I used to leave. But the evening came after I was born again and my fears started to increase and that day nobody came honking. It was unbelievable and strange. It was truly a miracle that not one single friend turned that day. I later learnt that God turns the hearts of men and kings in Proverbs and that is what happened. All my friends with whom I was afraid to go completely forgot about me for almost a year by which time I really grew much strong in faith and love of the Lord and when I met one of them he said Philip I am extremely sorry that I got very busy and could hardly meet you, I was amazed and praised God that it was His doing so I realized that He loves me so much that even my desires and fears of my heart he reads and works for my good and protects me. There are hundreds of such examples by which I learnt God's presence in my life. There are many miracles he did and it is now 16 years, I am married, with three children and I have seen many ups and downs in life but not one single millisecond of time can I say that God had failed in his love or faithfulness or goodness or kindness. He is the same God, I have failed in walking faithfully to his goodness, but He has been my God, Savior, Lord, Father, Friend and King for all situations. I praise God for coming into my life and filling my meaningless life with full of light, life and glorious hope.
Dear reader, if a crooked and hopeless person like me received eternal life and joy unspeakable, you can also receive this eternal life by praying to Lord Jesus Christ now and asking him to come into your life now. You should believe that Jesus Christ died for us and was buried and came back to life for the sake of all those who received this truth. Believe in the name of Jesus and receive eternal life, peace, and joy and much more.
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